puddles of jam.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

zoe rose planer.

my friends make the most beautiful babies.
sarah, mark & big bro lucas welcomed
baby zoe rose into the world!
she is a sweet & petite little cutie, just
like her momma! 

kirkwood festival.

we strolled down to the kirkwood festival
this past weekend. such a cute little community!
kathryn, me, karen, tara & tess!
twins.
i told jeff to do the tess face.
baby tess is so easy to love on!
my main squeeze slim in frisbee action.
jared & tess.
we had a camp event earlier & slim was 
logo-ed out!

the tasting.

i can't believe i did it, but the following
night, after the lewis show, and a huge work
event for me, our annual caregiver retreat...
slim & i got all jazzed up & went to a fundraiser event 
for my agency called the tasting.
it was a delicious & fun event.
i didn't event miss the booze, there was plenty of
desserts to keep me busy!
arm candy game on fleek.
i got to see & hug my friend & 
newly past colleague, greer!
my amazing clutch & belly.
my feet were so tired. 
i slept so well that night!

lewis live.

we made the road trip to athens
to see jenny lewis.
it was a great show with the best of friends!
nikki lane opened and was super fun.
this is my view from the special section
i got access to from my fabulous cori's pal roger.
i sat up there for a while, but went down & joined
my girls up front for lewis.
those huge balls are fun at first,
then super annoying. poor lewis got hit
in the head a few times.
#nailedit
lewis crew: lea, karen, me & kathryn.
bring on the next show!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

i'm back, hi!

hey friends.
i've been absent from the blog scene.
why? i've been super busy.
i'm usually always busy, but always found time to 
add to my little spec in the blog-osphere
because it brought me some freedom & a space of
my own to post aspects of my life i wanted to remember
or random things i found funny or awesome.  
it's so crazy because i've been thinking about 
blogging constantly over the last 7 months, 
like on the daily- but the fear
 of un-authenticity has prevented me.
i haven't even signed into this blog since my last
posting last november. 
the universe works in mysterious ways...
my last post was recapping a jenny lewis show.
it was an amazing show that has since encouraged
a very heavy playing of  the voyager at our home.
this album is so good. 
in the song one of the guys there's one line
that hit me so hard the first time i heard it
(which was live, at the show)
'just another lady without a baby'
 at that time, and for the two years prior
i was struggling with
infertility that was all consuming,
mind, body & soul consuming.
my life at the time revolved around 
my doctors office & my life was
separated into two week increments:
ovulation & menstruation, closely followed by
intense disappointment, frustration & sadness.
a few weeks after the jenny lewis show
i found out i was pregnant. 
it was the first night of hanukkah & one day
before my 30th birthday.
a hanukkah miracle we proclaimed!

why the connection with jenny lewis
 you  might be wondering?
i'm seeing her tonight in athens.
of all days to get my blog juices going..
to sign in and see that last post was really weird.
it's taken so much for me to get back on here.
(please note that i do not taking myself or this blog too seriously,
or believe that anyone seriously missed it- but i missed it.
 i know it's mostly filled with pictures of my mundane
 everyday life, my dogs & husband & friends
 & random pictures & promotes my completely
 lefty political affiliations & ideas)
my biggest aversion to blogging was not
talking about my pregnancy news.
i had so many times read statuses & blogs
about people's happy baby news & hated them.
a mix of jealousy, angst, wanting to be happy for them
but unable to get over myself.
i did not want to be THAT person.
THAT person was who i wanted to be for so long.
but when i became THAT person, 
THAT person was still so foreign to me. 
i just thought about the women in the club
i had previously been a member of.
the club no one wants to be in, but you find some
solace in other people's similar, shared pain.   
after some really solid advice/therapy from my (therapist)
friends, i realized that i could somehow be the hope that
others needed. hearing stories of women finally
conceiving after under going the same things i did
was powerful- still tarnished with jealousy, but always
gave me hope & strength & energy to surge on 
(a fertility joke for those "in the know").
at some point i'll share more of our infertility
journey. it's probably nothing you haven't heard before,
but to me, it's so personal & real. 
the experience is so crazy difficult to think
of even now, six months out.

so, hey. i'll let you know how the show goes.